Hi what can i say other than wow, did not think i would be making a blog that no one will read, other than of course the random person who glances my way. But still, i feel i should in case that one person does look i can at least hold their intrest for more than a minute. so where should i the beggining i guess.(note i am 13 at the start it is 2012-2013 when this starts i will get to the present at the end)

I was always looking for something to lean on when my dad was sick(cancer in his lungs then later in his bones there was no saving him). I was depressed for a long time so i started reading, at first it was manga but the manga i was looking for was always new so not many chapters were realesed, but it still quenshed my thirst, for about a year i was using manga as an escape from reality. My dad passed away on christmass(2013 christmass my mom called me and my three brothers to come upstairs as we were starting to eat and we watched dad die) so i got even more into manga, I didnt want to deal with his death. i started to run out of manga around the time i was just starting to get over the passing of my dad (around November of 2014).

Then my dog passed away and it felt like everything was happening again but much worse, as i was much closer to my dog than my dad as wierd as that sounds. But i never knew my dad as a friend he was always an authority figure, someone who i hated because he would punish me and although it made it easier to get over his death it made me feel worse when my dog died. what inpacted me the most was how she died, i came home from school a day like any other my dog willow greeted me at the door happy as can be, i went and sat on the coutch and started to watch Netflix. After about half an hour i got up and called for willow as i was wondering where she was, i got no answer so i was worried i went up stairs to my bedroom to see if she was getting into the trash(i am home alone), what i found haunts me to this day, i found willow spralled across the floor with a bag of chips over her head, she was not moving. By the time i realized she was dead i was already weeping, (she had been with me for 11 years i depended on her the most as she cared the most about me) i can still see the look of fear in her dead eyes, just by looking around i could see that she struggled but in the end i did not hear her. i cleaned up the things that came out of her body (will not go into detail) and then picked her up to move her, i have picked her up many times to move her (she is a boxer so she had a hard time with things) in her lifetime, but now as i held her corpse it brought a new meaning of what dead wieght was it made me cry even harder. i set her down outside my door where she usally slept, i sat for about 10 minutes before i called my mom, and my two brothers what happened.

It was all a blur after that, for the next couple of months i didnt really know what to do. I was out of manga then i found re monster and loved it but there was only a few chapters, then i started reading the novel out of curiosity i liked it as much as the manga so here we are at the present and although i have somewhat accepted that this may not be a solusion and i am avoiding my dogs passing, i still need this. you have no idea how much it helps me keep my mind off things at this point i am 16 turning 17 and i am checking almost every day to see if a new chapter has been edited i am currently waiting on 191 and so on. 6/3/2015

if you have made it to this point in my story i thank you. i may tell another story from my past but that is only if i get requested to plus sorry if this got dark. :p

goodbye for now yours truly Cullen

                           dedicated to Willow and Joe
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Cropped joe

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